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Talking about Sexual Violence.
dublin |
gender and sexuality |
feature
Wednesday September 13, 2006 01:55 by sovietpop sovietpop at hotmail dot com
Report from the RAG dayschool
In June, the women members of the WSM hosted a dayschool on Women in Revolutionary Struggle. Following on from this RAG (Revolutionary Anarcho-Feminist Group) decide to host a women's only day-school on sexual violence. This was held in the in the new Seomra Spraoi space in Dublin. The first thing we did was get to know the person sitting beside us – we asked them about what they liked and didn’t like, what they were good at and what they were bad at. Then we went around in a circle, each introducing the person we had been talking to everyone else. I discovered that Clair likes Organising and that Eve likes Rossport Solidarity Camp and hates Shell. I like cats and have a bad memory. It was an easy start to the day, but things were about to get more difficult.
Misconceptions about rape: It’s not rape because – she kissed me; it was my boyfriend, husband; it was someone I know and not a stranger; she was a sex worker; she put her self in a dangerous position and should have known better; she dressed sexy; I was drunk or on drugs; he was drunk or on drugs; it didn’t involve genital penetration; because rape only happens to women; because he was educated, middleclass, left-wing, an activist, he couldn’t be a rapist. The final two mis-conceptions outlined were that women lie about rape to blackmail men and that rape is about sexual desire. The first woman to take to the floor provided a show stopping performance as she pestered her tired and uninterested partner to have sex. Next up was a situation in which two friends are in a social situation, and one keeps coming on to the other, despite the fact that she isn’t interested. This scenario was played too ways, in the first, the woman clearly said ‘listen, I know you’re a mate, but I’m not interested, please respect my boundaries’. The second group dealing with the same scenario had a more difficult task as the character in question shy and only gave non-verbal indications that she really wasn’t interested. In another scenario, one partner in a couple had to ask the other partner to be less clinging and to allow her more independence, while the other partner had to be insecure and anxious. One of the things that came up in the discussion was that when we had given the scenarios, most of us had assumed that a one character was obviously male and the other obviously female. We found that if we thought about changing the genders, the scenarios played very differently. It also made us think about how consent operates both ways between men and women. Finally the facilitators handed us all out a piece of paper and asked us to note down what our own boundaries were, so that we were sure within ourselves what our lines were. Some people found this useful; others found it more difficult, saying that boundaries are too dependent on context (who you are with, when or where) to make it possible to decide in abstract what they were. I think it is fair to say that this session was very thought provoking. It was said that any policy had to be continually open to negotiation and change as over time we face new problems and learn from our experiences. It was also said that a safer space policy could only work if people agree with it and are willing to implement it. While there was a general willingness to have a policy, there wasn’t a similar willingness to go through the thought processes necessary to see how these policies are implemented in practice. We have no guidelines or agreement on how to deal with sexual abuse or assault within our community, we have no way of dealing with these types of conflicts when they emerge. This session ended with a commitment from those that attended to begin the very important process of developing our safer space policies. |
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Comments (12 of 12)
Jump To Comment: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12wow - thanks for that pretty comprehensive run down of the day! it's really useful. one thing we hadn't done was decide on a minute-taker. so i'm glad you were there taking notes!
thanks to those great rag gals ,truely appreciate and enjoyed the day,
well done!look forward to more self defense classes,totally whipped your ass eve!
well done to you all.
it read like it was a pretty difficult but enlightening session. hopefully more will be done along the same lines. sexual and emotional violence is a very difficult subject to deal with for both genders.
thanks sovietpop, good report, any more photos that you have from the day send them on.
It is welcome to see the issues of rape/violence and reclaim on the features page,
I was comparing and contrasting the two articles on the same issue in the last
few minutes. I was struck by Republica's comments and the comments which
come along with this article and would have one opinion on it: I think that
Republica's newswire article should be attached or linked into this one because
they are of a piece. The approach, sizing of the shots and reactions are completely
different to the presentation of the images and the written reports.
compare and contrast:
Women's Day School on Sexual Violence
and the above article which is well written and well researched. I think the
personal voice and shots by Republica, therefore show a perspective on the
meeting and a personal reaction to the events which body out the above article
and give it an individual context. Often times writers on similar issues have links
created within stories which add to it. I would of course ask Republica if she is
happy with having her piece included within the body of this one- I am sure she would.
Congrats to RAG. Sounds like it was a really interesting day. Thanks for the report. Pity I couldn't be there. When is the first issue out?
many thanks for the rundown on the day, it sounded like an excellent & positive session, & really nice to get a feel of the discussions that went on, thank u to all involved for organizing these sessions!
the first issue of the rag magazine has just come back from the printers - eeeekkk!!
we're dead excited. launch party date to be announced very soon!
Awesome report. Really excellent. Just a quick comment on this bit:
"We talked about how there were very limited sexual role models within society – women were encouraged to be passive, men aggressive. We also thought that men were under considerable peer pressure, particularly as teenagers, to be aggressive sexually. Coercion is seen to be normal."
1) I think there's a clear line between aggressiveness and coercion... Obviously, if a woman is resisting, is saying no, is uncomfortable, etc., then that's coercion.
2) As a 29-year old guy, I understand and accept that I am expected to be the aggressor. Women will tell you themselves, they expect me to try and kiss them, etc. Guys will try to figure out what women want and then do it. Women want you to take the lead in such things. If a woman likes you and is giving you signals to that effect, and at some point you don't act on it, she will at then assume that a) you are a coward and have no spine b) are gay c) are not interested, and move on to someone else.
In other words women themselves play an extremely large role in reinforcing the gendered division of sexual heavy lifting, in my opinion. Maybe it would be great if it were more equal and whatnot but they aren't. Women are the choosers, being the ones who have more to lose by getting pregnant, and they choose guys who are aggressive - who take risks in trying to kiss them, etc.
cheers,
chris
hi chris - thanks for sharing your thoughts.
i completely agree though that both sexes play up to their gender stereotyping in sexual roles. but from my point of view this is not a healthy thing and is something that should be challenged.
while in every human interaction, there may necessarily be a more active and a more passive player, i think it is a dangerous thing to identify and sympathise with the role of aggressor. sexual relations should be based on absolute mutual trust and understanding. i don't want to enter into a discussion here as this is a newswire not a forum - but on a serious note - there is not always a clear line between aggression and coercion. many of the women you have relations with will not have not thought seriously about their sexual boundaries, never mind how to communicate them. many can end up feeling violated retroactively just by not feeling in control about the situation. this is especially the case where someone has experienced previous sexual abuse, or child sexual abuse. you should always be aware that any new sexual partner may have an abuse history (at least one in four has). and act accordingly. ie. keep lines of communication open, be sure your partner consents fully, and can accompany you on your sexual journey! *ahem
(i don't mean just you here - and obviously i know nothing about you - so don't take this as any kind of an affront - just a point i wanted to make)
RAG will be running more workshops in the future, hopefully the next one (whatever its topic) will be for all sexes, as it's too easy to get dragged into the blame men/ blame women game. when really it's the damaging partriarchal system that sets up oppressive gender roles for us all. we should all be able to challenge it together. end rant.
Its good to see men being involved in discussing this issue. Too often it is seen as "secret women's business". If men are part of the problem, then surely they must be part of the solution.
Cheers,
Robyn
In response to Chris and others:
The post by republica, 10 sept here: http://www.indymedia.ie/article/78321
it is copyleft so feel free to use, modify, add or share... :)
if you want to place it here go ahead and do it.