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The real budget speech-unexpurgated version

category national | bin tax / household tax / water tax | opinion/analysis author Saturday December 04, 2004 21:42author by John McDermott - Removefiannafailauthor email strokepolitics at leinsterhouse dot ie Report this post to the editors

stealthy strokes by Bertie,s folks

Brian Cowan stated that his presentation was the result of "an overwhelming feeling of generosity" which overcame him during the drafting of the first "no extra taxes on anything"budget in the history of the Soldiers of Destiny.St Bertie gave it his blessing,and so it came to pass....

Brian Cowans budget speech in full.

"Good morning suckers,it is my duty to say a few words,by way of preamble,to my very special 2004 budget.
You may be aware that since the last election we have surreptitiously,slyly and stealthily increased the cost of living enormously with a raft of new charges and price hikes-no fewer than 27 in all-and I bet you hardly noticed!
The total cost of these charges,since the last two budgets, to each family in the land is estimated to be in the region of 2000 Euros per annum.
These price hikes are too numerous-and boring- to outline in detail,but they include;
VAT up 8%
MOTOR TAX up 12%
HOSPITAL CHARGES up 26%
VHI CHARGES up 18%,and climbing(40% of the population pay VHI!-a special form of "double taxation"
FAGS AND BOOZE up 20%
BIN TAXES have DOUBLED,and are set to DOUBLE again in 2005
The highest paid workers in the state(ESB) bills up 13%
COLLEGE FEES(disguised as "registration charges") up from zero to 750 Euros
Parking charges citywide (and now extending into suburbia) up 25%
TV LICENCE up 40%
THE DISGRACEFUL SHAMBLES,called a "health service" which only caters for 60% of the population,up 15% for double whammy VHI members who cannot afford a fully private hospital.
Change your maiden name on a passport,or get a new one;-up 33%!
Business premises rates are increasing countrywide at a rate of 20%,all of which will be passed down the line to consumers,
DEVELOPMENT LEVIES,ranging from 6000euros to 30,000 euros countrywide, on all new houses, are sending already spiraling prices,through the roof.

Dear sucke..I mean citizens,I ask for your patience,as these unfortunate charges,are an unhappy necessity.
How else would we finance our generous benchmarking increases for the many thousands of uncivil servants,and public sector local government employees,who are in possession of secure and pensionable jobs.?
They also benefit from a private health care system which means they will never have to queue in draughty hospital corridors or wait 18 months for a specialist appointment -while they are, maybe, dying from a "stealthy" malignant tumour.
How else can our farmers be paid huge annual income subsidies for feeding ducks and drakes in their happy habitat,
for minding butterflies in their bogs,for growing alien species of softwood pine plantations which will never be even profitable to develop,after the twenty year span of these cosy "pension for life" schemes concocted on the back of a packet of cigarettes,by some mad Brussels based political has beens,like Charly McCreevy?
Take note that we are already in serious financial crisis.Many senior Civil Servants lie awake at night wondering who they will screw for the huge indexlinked pensions,they and their teacher,and E.S.B worker,companions will expect to receive into a very ripe old age.
Somebody has to pay for it all.
If our americans benefactors ever struck camp and sailed off to China(3-com did so 2 years ago) what would happen.? A prospect too horrible to contemplate.
Taxes-no change for the rich.
The rising cost of property(instigated by our manipulation of the urban housing market)has brought in massive stamp duty and capital gains taxes.
Mary,my comely companion,now in Health, has pursuing the less nimble tax dodgers relentlessly, and we are happily, awash with money .
This has disguised our extravagance;our wasteful spending;our incompetence;and a bit of old fashioned corruption thrown in for good measure.
I therefore propose to leave unchanged the legal tax dodging schemes,for the filthy rich,-such as high rise car parks;horse breeding/pedigree mare insemination; and of course our newest innovation;-private hospitals,which will soon be catering for 90% of the sick and needy in the State.
Larry Goodman and friends are ploughing billions into a new and efficient private health sector.This trend must be encouraged.
I am setting aside 9 billion Euros to early pension off the entire ,ineffectual, public hospital administration.
This scheme is mirrored on that of the Farmers early retirement fund,whereby those that hand over their assets to their family ,not only pay no death duties,but recieve a generous pension for life.

Lowest inflation rate ever.

Finally,I am pleased to be able to tell you that we have by incredibly astute tricker-I mean to say good management, and bookeeping-been able to contain the official annual inflation rate to a very reasonable 3.9%.!
This smoke and mirrors exercise is perhaps our finest achievement,and I am happy to say to you in closing that the economy is in good hands with The Soldiers of Destiny,and our gallant socialist leader Bertie Ahern.
You know in your heart of hearts that we are the only party with the interests of poor farmers and workers as our core philosophy."

Yours affectionately,Brian Cowan
Minister for Unprecedented Generousity and Prosperity.
Leinster House,Dublin(soon to be decentralised to the Bog of Allen)
www.soldiersofdestiny.org the real Fianna Fail website.!

Related Link: http://www.soldiersofdestiny.org
author by Des Derwinpublication date Sun Dec 05, 2004 22:25author address author phone Report this post to the editors

John,

Your considered and detailed contributions continue to be marred by digs at public sector workers. Productive workers like ESB workers and teachers (without them no power, no education, no civilization) cannot be compared to the other targets of your posting.

Those who go out in the snow to restore powerlines and face 30 four-year-olds each morning cannot be blamed for inequality and cronyism.

Inequality and its causes? Cf. last week's IMI figures for CEOs remuneration. Cf. 11 millionaires paying no tax. Cf. Tax relief on private planes. Shannon Airport agrees charges of €1.50 per passenger with Ryanair and seeks redundancies form Shannon Airport workers. NTR director sells shares this year totalling €45 million. A third of workers so lowly paid they pay no tax.

author by jeffpublication date Mon Dec 06, 2004 15:07author address author phone Report this post to the editors

None of these price increases affect the woirking classes. For example, if you are poor, you get the county council to pay your registration fees. Fags and booze?; TV Licence? Start writing for the Daily Mail.

If there is one bad thing about this government, it is carrickmines and US aircraft at Shannon. All in all, this budget will restore voter confidence( ie; sheeple) in FF. Flash McCreevy has been turfed off to Europe, Bertie realising that monetarist policies, while saving the public purse, only hold long term appeal for writers at the Sindo like the ubiquitous BOC, Ireland's journalistic equivalent of the arrogant City stockbroker turned weekend soccer hooligan. G'wan my son! Zigga, Oi! Zagga, Oi!

author by RJSpublication date Mon Dec 06, 2004 22:43author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Socialist ideals go out the window when it comes to pay-bargaining. 'What's in it for me, and to hell with the rest' philosophy takes over.

In World War I Britain, the Industrial Unions threatened strike action if women were let into the labour force, because they felt that this would surely bring their own pay and conditions down.

A more up-to-date example of insular selfism was the centre door on Dublin buses, for so long kept closed, lest they might come in useful in a productivity deal.

The new buses then, have no centre doors at all, so even this didn't work.

Of three friends of mine who work in the Civil Service, all are of the opinion that most of their fellow-workers are on glorified welfare. No wonder then, when an executive officer and union official told me in October, that the Civil Service is nick-named the 'fur-lined mousetrap'. This mightn't be so bad, but my experience of CWOs left me with the impression that the rent allowence was coming directly from their wages. Fellow-workers be damned.

John thinks that 'None of these price increases affect the woirking classes'. Nothing could be further from the truth. My girlfriend works part-time and has barely any money left after rent, pipe, bin tax, and sundry other fixed costs. She is not entitled to medical card, so, being pregnant, must pay for her own visits to hospital while she aims to produce yet more fodder for the system of exploitation and drainage of humanity. The corpo will not pay any of her charges, and yet, unlike the big eight, she pays income tax as well as regressive VAT.

As for 'fags and booze', and even TV and Daily Mail, ith such bleak lives, is it any wonder that people will seek solace or refuge in escapism or unreality? To find themselves fleeced, even at this turn, is a bit much. (although i wish a speedy death to cigarette companies, and nationalisation of the beer industry and media).

Shannon and Carrickmines? Worthy as such causes are, trust a middle class mind-set to highlight them at the expense of the workers' toil and real misery that is hardly a hundred yards away, if not in the same room.

author by john mcdermott - removefiannafailpublication date Mon Dec 06, 2004 23:54author email jmcd444 at yahoo dot comauthor address Corruption Leinster Houseauthor phone Report this post to the editors

I travelled with Ryanair for the first time(6 flights)last year and was highly impressed with the efficiency and reliability-not to mention cheap tickets.!
It was heartening to see ordinary Joes and students-so many young people-who would never have had the money to go skyborne in the Aer Lingus monopoly days.
Who was it dragged Aerlingus screaming and protesting into the world of reality.?
Ryanair.
Long may he prosper.
The unions have this country by the scruff of the neck.There are no unions in the private productive sector which is 90 %american transplant factories.
Bertie and his cronies feed off these,the real workers..

Related Link: http://www.soldiersofdestiny.org
author by jeffpublication date Wed Dec 08, 2004 22:49author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Good response.

Few points I must make. For one, it is Jeff, not John, and I apologise for misspelling working classes, there is no I indeed. I blush.

Next;

College fees; if your working class, i.e; if your folks earn under a certain amount, your county council willl pay them as part of the grant. That is of course if you are a young student. If older and living alone, you'll have to pay them unless you are entitled to the grant.


TV licence: something the working classes can get away with more easily. My theory; middle class people tend to have mortages as oppossed to rented accomadation. Middle classes are part of the system even more so than working classes, so while they maintain a more comfortable standard of living, they are altogeter more enclosed in the 'leviathan' so to speak. I think therefore they are the ones more likely to be targeted for not having a tv licence.

When I had shit jobs, and rented accomadation, no dickhead inspector came after me. Nobody I knew ever paid thees and they were all in the same socio economic bracket as I was. So thanks to the middle classes for that one; your payment has made RTE more enjoyable to watch for us layabouts and losers. We don't have the nice car or 2.4 kids but we get free telly.

There are areas of Ballyfermot, Summerhill, and Ballymun that are no go areas for Gardai, let alone TV Licence inspectors, so thats that one ruled out of the equation.

Bin Charges; Do they have bin charges in Summerhill? I'm not sure, I live in Galway. Used to live near Summerhill before these bin charges.

Fags and booze; Bad for you. I smoke myself, and am glad both are expensive because otherwise I'd shit out my liver and smoke my lungs black. A good source of revenue and a good way of taming Irish ill discipline. Pubs should be open 24/7 though, like in Australia, and we should have coffee shops like the Dutch.

The Health Service; I do hope your girlfriend gives birth to a strong and healthy baby. In the meantime, get her to reapply and lie.

Believe it or not there are some CWOs that will give you the same advice! Those guys get bonuses for saving money, so there will be some CWOs who will ignore a dying pensioners need for free inhalers, some of them get that misanthropic. Rights are rights, but, like a Garda with a baton, these rights will be gleefully ignored by CWOs. They're middle class and they get pissed off at being the first ones to be caught without tv licences! Lie to them.


Shannon and Carrrickmines; No, I'm not middle class, I just have a conscience, and a sense of heritage. In the meantime, if you find yourself at the bottom, lie, cheat and steal.Then when you become middle class, enjoy you comfortable suburban home, but pay your taxes! Then if you manage to become upper class, move to Monaco!

Good luck again with the birth of your baby, RJS. Take care.

author by RJSpublication date Sun Dec 12, 2004 11:27author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Thanks for the best wishes.

While recognizing the merits of Shannon and Carrickmines causes, I don’t think that they are the ‘one bad thing’ about this government. They are up there competing with a plethera of undemocratic and insensitive measures, many of which, target the less well-off.

There is a category rarely spoken of, and they are not the unemployed, nor are they the middle classes. They are the low-paid workers, and they fall between both stools. My girlfiriend would be better off financially if she went on welfare, but she loves her job, and it is highly-skilled.

‘…Trust a middle-class mind-set…’ This is not to say that you are middle class, but any one of us can be prone to lapsing into the mind-set, senes its ubiquity makes it difficult to fend off 100% of the time. Our basic assumptions are influenced and affected in ways we don’t even nkow, no doubt.

I took the theme of the piece to be stealth taxes. If we pay less on the swings (income tax), we pay more on the roundabouts (stealth taxes), except, there is one big difference. Income tax can act as a redistributive mechanism, whereas, stealth taxes, like poll taxes, ask the poorest (excluding exemptions) to pay proportionately more.

A crude example of this is her bin tax, which is €5 per week, regardless of the weight. Therefore, the US embassy disposing of the waste of a weekend’s partying, pays the same as my girlfriend who has little to spare.

The TV licence is regressive, because even the unemployed are not exempt (in theory), nor is the payment graded according to income. The non-payers are brow-beaten by ads which label them as criminal, unworthy, wrong… Even if payment of licences was based on % of income, the opinions of the lower socio-economic bracket, and associated issues are scarce on RTE TV, and the promulgation of middle class values or mock-working class Brits, would not be value for money in any case. Why do they always have a new RP, ro mid-Atlantic accent impoersonate a Jackeen or Culchie accent, instead of hiring the genuine article? Why are such depictions always derogatory or disparaging? The poor are better at keeping their accents.

As much as I love the idea of ‘no-go’ areas for gardaí, I don’t think that such areas in Dublin can be romanticised. Usually, the guards couldn’t be bothered about the complaints of such residents. Where confrontations with the cops do take place, it is usually on the part of the same malcontented youth with genuine bitterness and frustration, which led to the complaint being made in the first place.

The pipe – what a rip-off are NTL, and she’s just got a letter to say they’ll cut her off immediately for non-payment, despite her having paid… Broadband will finish that crowd, like it’ll finish eircom, and good riddens. Of course, we’ll have to wait for great broadband advances in Ireland because Telecom Éireann were privatised, and comreg are toothless.

Free education? You’ll only get a fraction of the grant if you live within 30 miles of the college, at least, this applied to me as late as 2000. This applied to the great majority of Dublin poor who had miraculously made it past the Leaving Cert. This meant that such a student in Third Level couldn’t afford books for instance.
Anyway, why should anyone be grateful for the right or principle of free education? Most college-goers only attend to get their credentials so that they can pursue the mind-numbing middle class aspirations of job, car, promotion, mortgage, family etc. They shouldn’t be encouraged to go on this road of tedium, but nor should they pay for indoctrination in the industrial ethos. Although, perhaps, a hefty levy on attendents of ‘business schools/studies’ might limit the reach of that academic excrescence. Either way, many primary schools are feeling the effects of underfunding, especially in rural Ireland.

On the health service: I should have said that certain basic check-ups are free, but unscheduled visits, such as perceived emergencies (which are more likely to happn in first pregnancy) are not covered. In Britain, a pregnant woman gets everything free on the NHS, and maternity leave is now to be extended to 12 moths, as opposed to 18 weeks in Ireland.

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